Breakfast With Barry, April 1, 2010

"Daddy, can I talk to you?"

"Of course, Darling. Why do you ask?"

"You don't like to talk when Mr. Teleprompter is not around."

"Malia, that's nonsense. Have you been listening to talk radio again?"

"Daddy, I'm Sasha, not Malia."

"Oh. Right. You little ones all look alike to me. Heh, heh. What did you want to talk about?"

"What's a f---ingracist?"

"YOUNG LADY, WHERE DID YOU LEARN SUCH LANGUAGE?"

"Pastor Wright. He was telling me about the time a f---ingracist cop gave him a ticket when he was only doing 70 in a school zone."

"Ah, well, you shouldn't use words like that."

"But Pastor says it all the time. That's how I learned to count to 100. Remember the first time I did it? Mommy yelled at me for interrupting Easter service."

"I don't think I was there that day."

"Oh, yes you were. I remember how you kept stepping on my feet when you jumped up whenever Pastor said 'damnwhitey.'"

"Ah, I'd been sitting too long and my leg went to sleep. But about YOUR language, young lady...."

"Is f---ingracist a dirty word, Daddy?"

"In fact, it's two words. We'll talk about f---ing when you get older."

"Ok, but Uncle Bill already told me that he'd tell me all about it."

"He said WHAT?"

"That he'd tell me all about f---ing in a couple years. I think that's when Uncle Rahm hit him."

"Uncle Rahm hit Uncle Bill?"

"Just once. But you should have seen what Aunt Hillary did to him."

"Where was Mommy?"

"Holding Uncle Bill for Aunt Hillary."

"I see."

"That's good. Uncle Bill didn't for a couple of days."

"Too much information, Darling. What was your question?"

"Is racist a dirty word?"

"No, not a dirty word. Maybe ugly. It's not a good thing to be. A racist is someone who dislikes people because of the color of their skin."

"Like the Newt Monster you used to tell me about?"

"Exactly!"

"Oh! I've got it! Racists are white people!"

"I'm proud of you, Darling!"

"So am I!!! We're racists!!!"

"WHAT'S THAT?"

"But Daddy, wasn't Grandma Dunham white?"