(We join our Fearless Leader as he answers the O Phone. Owing to the limits of our Soviet ear bug, we can only hear one side of the conversation.)
"You have reached the Presence. Voice your entreaty. The Presence is feeling beneficent today."
"No, I will not apologize. I do not apologize; the United States does not apologize to the likes of you."
"No, our acts were a measured response to your provocations."
"How dare you cite Bush and Reagan to me. If they did any good for anyone it was an accident."
"No, your national policies are affront to the free world."
"No, you are creating instability in the region."
"Who are you to talk about oppression and discrimination?"
"That Holocaust nonsense is starting to wear thin."
"Look, if you push us, we'll push back. Can you handle that?"
"What do I mean? If you launch an air strike, we will regard it as an attack on the US."
"Let me be perfectly clear. How many nuclear subs do you have parked off the coast of the US?"
"OK. Glad you see reason."
"Right. Give my best to the family. Salaam, Bibi."